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May 17, 2006

The Perfect Secretary

I love it when you don�t immediately detect a crazy on the subway. You sit down and assume that the people around you simply look disgruntled about the fact that they are heading to work. Moments later, the crazy opens their mouth and you suddenly understand the general grimace of your peers.

"I am looking for a secretary that walks in the light of God," he exclaimed. The man was well dressed, or so it seemed, until I looked closer and saw that his shirt was inside out and backward and that his shoes were unmatched. He paced the floor of the train car, preparing for a speech.

"I need a secretary who is enlightened, and that�s gonna be hard to find. It�s hard to find a woman like that�like a needle in a haystack. Like me. I am a needle in a haystack. A real man. I am a REAL MAN."

After several minutes pontificating the need for women who dress appropriately and shunning educated parents who went to Harvard but who could not legislate the proper clothing styles of their female children or their attentiveness to God, the man next to me slammed his foot down.

"Yo, shut up, man. It�s too early. No one wants to listen to your shit, yo."

The Needle in a Haystack swiveled, turned to his heckler, and bent down close to his face.

"What did you say, sir?" he asked.

"I said shut up. It�s too early."

"Oh, my friend, my brother," he chuckled, leading up to the inevitable. "It is never too early for God."

Straightening, he pushed his shoulders back, cleared his throat, and continued his quest for the perfect secretary.

Posted by callalillie at May 17, 2006 7:56 AM | City Life


My mom has an enlightened secretary. She has ESP. Extra Secretarial Perception. She knows when to order toner.

Posted by: R at May 17, 2006 12:54 PM

That was fantastic.

Posted by: Alexis at May 17, 2006 1:52 PM

Ah, brilliant story, but if he's a 'real' man what's the secretaries duties I wonder?

Posted by: Dean at May 20, 2006 7:56 PM

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