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May 23, 2006
Family Junk Mail
When I found this envelope in the mail pile last evening, I nearly threw it out. Something addressed to Lexacor? Are the credit card companies reading my blog? At closer inspection, I realized that I had once again been duped by the junk mail skills of my ever-creative father. July is approaching, which in our family can only mean the annual Independence Day lawn sport competition.
This tradition went on hiatus after my grandfather�s death several years ago. Then my parents, who were generally the hosts for these affairs, moved to a series of homes that lacked back yards. Having settled into their new house in Saratoga and blessed with the gifts of retirement, relaxation and [ahem] time, my father is at it again. This July 4, we are playing extreme croquet.
As per Trancho convention, the sport must involve balls of some kind (preferably hit, knocked, or shot at), nicknames (my grandmother is Ya Mutha), elaborate mailings (the invitation letter this year reads: �Much has changed in our sport since our last competition in 1989 but the pending parole and psychiatric hearings of some of our most prestigious athletes means that the competition should again rise to its once lofty goals.�) and some sort of face book describing each contestant. This year I am the Wild Wicket and my husband is the Red Hooker [okay so it is really the Red Hook Rounder but I like my version better]. Welcome to the family, Lex.
Between the years of 1989 (our first croquet tournament) and 1995, we played the aforementioned, horseshoes, car racing (complete with wooden cars with CO2 cartridges), archery (Trancho�s in Tights�that year my grandfather showed up dressed as Friar Tuck), bocce, and my personal favorite, yachting, complete with kiddie pool and wooden ships. Contestants made them �sail� by walking around the pool with a mini-hand fan.
My moniker that year was the PMS Uterus.
Posted by callalillie at May 23, 2006 7:17 AM | La Familia
Greetings from The Victimizer. Currently weighting my mallet in preparation. Maintaining low radar re: Interpol. Will find you at aforementioned function. Crushtine will accompany me if her parole is approved. Regards to Red Hooker. Did you inform him of the initiation rites. I'll bring the chains.
Posted by: Vickie at May 23, 2006 7:56 AM
pms uterus. that's awesome.
and while fun, i think you dad has a little too much time on his hand. you need to buy him some new camera gadget or something.
Posted by: tien at May 23, 2006 7:58 AM
Now let's be accurate here. Lex is not "Red Hooker" (which BTW, might be a good moniker for you in the future), he is "Red Hook Rounder", an appropriately modest nom de guerre that should not have him questioning his recent marriage too quickly. We always give recent family inductees a grace period before they are subjected to the full treatment.
One last correction - the PMS Uterus was the name of your yacht. You and that Wilder girl were a fairly effective crew as I remember.
Posted by: bobtrancho at May 23, 2006 8:01 AM
Tien - you can't spend too much time on honored family traditions. These are the things that bind us. Without meaningless cut-throat competition, what is there?
Posted by: bobtrancho at May 23, 2006 8:04 AM
The Red Hook Rounder? Gulp!! I'd better bring the superweight chains. I heard the Red Hooker was easy.
Posted by: Vickie at May 23, 2006 8:35 AM
I think Red Hooker is way better. I have also noticed that none of our cats were included in the event, nor were my parents' "girls." I find this exclusionary and may seek consultation from a variety of equal rights groups.
Posted by: corie at May 23, 2006 9:39 AM
i'm disappointed that i even have to remind you that ECTOSPASUM uses real balls while the feline league uses hairballs, resulting in a much softer version of the game, nowhere near the level of play that we experience.
Posted by: bobtrancho at May 23, 2006 10:01 AM
I haven't gushed lately over how much I love your dad, Corie, but let me say it again: I LOVE YOUR DAD. Bob Trancho = #1! Rah rah! Etc.
Posted by: Sally at May 23, 2006 10:08 AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again- Bob Trancho needs a regular blog- I don't think he's ever posted something that hasn't made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: Maura at May 23, 2006 11:51 AM
I'll second that! Your dad is a hoot- I always enjoy reading his comments. I'd be a regular reader if he ever posted a blog. He seems to be a man of many talents. Lucky girl!
Posted by: Amanda at May 23, 2006 12:43 PM
he actually has one but rarely posts on it anymore.
Posted by: corie at May 23, 2006 12:45 PM
Your family sounds MUCH MORE fun than mine! I'm so jealous.
Posted by: breana at May 23, 2006 1:04 PM
OMG I just read his February conspiracy theory on Betty Friedan and Al Lewis....ow- laughing too hard...pain, ow.
Being that he is (1)hilarious and (2)retired, it is practically his responsibility to entertain us. Um, if he wants.
Posted by: Maura at May 23, 2006 1:07 PM
It sounds like great fun, wish we could join you.
Posted by: Per at May 23, 2006 1:32 PM
This all sounds brilliant! Your family seem great fun.
Posted by: discostu at May 23, 2006 6:32 PM
Posted by: Jay at May 24, 2006 11:29 AM
actually, grandma trancho and i were recollecting about the PMS Uterus at the lexacor wedding... that was one solid vessel. i'm pretty sure that we won (or at least placed). thank you, mr. trancho, for remembering that there was a dyad navigating that ship.
Posted by: that wilder girl at May 24, 2006 10:28 PM