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October 21, 2005

Darkness, Light, and the Grey Inbetween


For the past few mornings, I have waked with a heaviness about my entire body; days have passed where I have continuously felt unable to catch my breath. Sometimes, life just feels like it is crashing in on you, even though you know that it isn�t and that, eventually, it will resolve itself. At some point, things will be vibrant again. Despite that knowledge of reason, however, your world still hangs heavy. Tough times are tough times.

Lex and I are anxiously awaiting the start of our life together in one home, with one refrigerator and shopping list, one cable subscription and four merged cats. This process has moved far slower than initially expected-- even in worst-case scenario-- and each day that it drags further brings more and more heaviness into our lives. One might say that we should be satisfied just with the fact that we have found a home in one another and that is true, however the drain of living in two places, managing two sets of finances, and, point blank, having two living situations but nothing that really feels like a permanent home, is hard�to put it lightly.

Today we woke together, my arm across his chest, and in the darkness of early morning, stared at the ceiling and talked. The heaviness sank us both further and further beneath the covers, rendering it nearly impossible to drag ourselves out of bed. We smiled and laughed softly, trying to plan a weekend, trying to push away the cloudiness of the present, fighting hard with the ominous morning sky.

Finally, a half-hour past the time we usually rise, I padded into the kitchen and began a pot of coffee; Lex turned on the lights and made some toast. The rumbling of trucks on Van Brunt Street filtered through our open windows and the cats, rising from their own slumber, lumbered toward their food bowl, chirping for treats.

And thus, another day began in the LexaCor household, reluctant but slightly hopefully, tired but pushing. We'll get there at some point. In the meantime, strong coffee and vodka tonics, and perhaps a viewing of the Case of the Were-Rabbit, just to get us through.

Posted by callalillie at October 21, 2005 9:04 AM | Introspect , La Familia


Wallace will make you smile!

Posted by: breana at October 21, 2005 10:26 AM

I'm sure it will be "smashing"!

Posted by: corie at October 21, 2005 10:29 AM

I hate that heavy feeling; and the grey day does nothing to help out. I recommend making some of Abby's mac and cheese along with those vodka tonics.

Posted by: Liz at October 21, 2005 11:42 AM

so, time warner?

Posted by: tien at October 21, 2005 12:24 PM

time warner? as in cable? i guess. right now we are paying for 2 accounts, which is rediculous. especially since we only watch three tv shows a week.

Posted by: corie at October 21, 2005 12:48 PM

Cancel 1 account!
Have one household be TV free.
It is liberating, trust me.

Posted by: Tiya at October 21, 2005 1:58 PM

the problem is that both of us have internet via cable-- you cancel cable, no access. internet is the only thing that we consistently need in each house. bummer, huh? i can't wait to live somewhere where there is dsl.

Posted by: corie at October 21, 2005 2:05 PM

corie, i know what you're going through. we finally have one apartment, but with me in SF, we're still paying two rents, though thankfully just one set of utilities. i hope you guys get into the one household soon!

Posted by: dahl at October 21, 2005 4:38 PM

you can probably cancel the tv part and save money though I'm sure you've checked that already. I had roadrunner but no tv. the other day I canceled the internet, too, as someone in my building is so kindly providing us all with free wireless access.

being constantly in transition will take a lot out of you - I hear that. hang in there! and definitely, DEFINITELY go see W&G. it made me giggle - a lot.

Posted by: ms. frizzle at October 21, 2005 8:03 PM

I stumbled upon your sight today and adore your use of words and the feeling of compassion I get from reading your entries.

Rarely do I feel so inspired.

Posted by: Abbey at October 21, 2005 8:27 PM

your writing is so inhibited. so organized, perfect, anal. color coordinating your sock drawer is one thing, but no one should be able to infer that from your writing.

Posted by: susie at October 21, 2005 10:07 PM

"Tough times are tough times."
-Like Pakistani "tough times" or "Park Slope" tough times?

"For the past few mornings, I have waked (sic) with a heaviness about my entire body..."
-And a cloud betwixt thine eyes?

"...further beneath the covers, rendering(!?) it nearly impossible to drag ourselves..."
-Who oh who is this supernatural renderer? Be gone, renderer!

"And thus, another day began in the LexaCor household, reluctant but slightly hopefully (sic), tired but pushing (pushing?)."

"your writing is so inhibited. so organized, perfect, anal."

Posted by: al ansah at October 22, 2005 4:47 PM

Well, you seem to have picked up a couple of jack asses.

That's a beautiful photo.

Posted by: Bill at October 23, 2005 1:30 AM

For the future, if Lex is photographed photographing something, I'd like to see the corresponding photograph on his photograph blog. And vice versa.

Hey, you guys see The Whale and the Squid yet? Satisfies a ton of Brooklyn lust.

Posted by: will hall at October 23, 2005 10:16 PM

you straights and your problems!

Posted by: jay at October 24, 2005 12:43 PM

woe is you, jay...woe is you.

Posted by: corie at October 24, 2005 1:16 PM

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