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March 29, 2005


Warning: Erratic post to follow, but if you scroll to the bottom, I have an actual question. And maybe even a point.


I have always had problems with feeling visible. Being singled out or the center of attention makes me uncomfortable, often to the point of anxiety and stomachaches, along with a creeping flush that starts at my chest and flows up my neck to my cheeks.

I have learned to control my anxiety considerably in my professional life, but public speaking is still very difficult, and once or twice, I have stood in front of colleagues and discovered that my voice had disappeared.

There is something about feeling on display that frightens me to the core. If there ever were a therapy topic for me, this is it. Now, on to the wedding talk.

Lately, life has been awash with wedding conversation. Picking a date (May 6, 2006) and a venue have been of the utmost priority. A week or two into the planning, I found myself so easily overwhelmed that at times my brain would simple shut off in mid-conversation. Something was bothering me that I could not put my finger on. It manifested itself in conversations like this one:

C: This wedding is just getting too large. It�s too many people.
L: So let�s cut some people out.
C: But there�s no one to cut.
L: What about only our closest friends?
C: But I can�t pare it down that far.
L: So you�re saying that you want a small wedding but you don�t want to invite less people. Isn�t that kind of an impossible situation?

C: *Blink. Blink.* Where�s the wine?

When it came down to it, I realized that a) I was far more traditional than I thought I was. A real wedding dress? Well, actually, yes. A big (translating to 100 people-- yes, that is big in our eyes) wedding with room for family and friends? Absolutely. The day centering on you and your partner, spotlight on? Um. Well. Hmmm�and b) the venue creates the comfort, and the one that we were looking at was cavernous, large, and frightening the shit out of me.

After many moments of almost-tears (I do not shed them easily), Lex and I finally selected a site for our wedding. Thanks to a special tip from Dahlia, we checked out the New York Botanical Garden on Saturday and knew almost immediately that it was the right place for us. Large enough for 100 but intimate, with low ceilings and a stream outside, the Snuff House seems like our best bet for a non-spotlight semi-large sized wedding. Sigh of relief. Date finalized.
Venue booked. Now we can relax. Except for one more thing�the invitations.

I will be having cherry blossoms at the wedding. We would like to use a simple line drawing (or woodblock print) of a spray of blossoms on our invitations. Of course, with image in mind, I cannot find what I am looking for. Any ideas?

Posted by callalillie at March 29, 2005 12:35 PM | Wedding


Wow, I literally have my guest list excel sheet opened up behind this window. We are aiming for 100 and it is looking absolutely ridiculous right now.

Anyway, we're wading through invitation design now, too. Abby pointed me in the direction of some sites with great designs. http://www.peculiarpairpress.com/#

I'll let you know if I come across any good cherry blossom images.

Posted by: Liz at March 29, 2005 1:50 PM

This isn't exactly what it sounds like you're looking for, but it's lovely:


Posted by: Bill at March 29, 2005 2:27 PM

cherry blossom festival this weekend in dc. stop. come down. stop. we can shop together. stop.

or i can just look myself........

Posted by: skutchie at March 29, 2005 2:33 PM

oh skutch, i wish we could. this the only weekend for aeons (both past and future) that we don't have a previous engagement...which translates to us doing nothing for two days. such luxury.

mmm. letterpress. that is my dream type for our inviations. we'll see what cost dictates, though. as for excel spreadsheets, i was just about to open mine, as well...

Posted by: corie at March 29, 2005 2:44 PM

My first advice is to rent Father of the Bride with Spencer Tracy and Liz Taylor. You and Lex will have a very good laugh. Even though you're early in the planning the scene regarding the invitation list and also the wedding planner is worth watching now. As a father of a recent bride, the movie was hilarious.

Just remember, deep breaths, deep breaths.

Posted by: JR at March 29, 2005 7:02 PM

Posted by: mp at March 29, 2005 9:13 PM

I feel the same way about being the center of attention, and my reception was the absolute pit of hell for me. I was constantly hiding out in some corner or nook. People would find me and drag me out into the open. It was so embarrassing. In retrospect, I wish I would have gotten over myself and just enjoyed the spotlight for the day. It's not everyday that you can have all your friends and family together to celebrate you and your husband. Maybe I'll have a 10-yr anniversary party at a big hall and try to relive the magic.

Posted by: marta at March 30, 2005 8:48 AM

The guest list, with its inclusionary and exclusionary criteria, financial restrictions, third cousin twice removed you see weekly versus the godfather you've not seen in years, etc., is the most difficult part of planning a wedding. It broke my heart when I realized I had to slice and dice; I want everyone there. But, no. The ceremony and reception will still be magnificent. Nothing will stop that.

Once the venue is selected, everything else seems to fall into place.

Good luck.

Posted by: jose at March 30, 2005 9:16 AM

Don't worry, darling. I'm sure our zany friends and family will draw focus from us with their antics. Then we can sneak away and drink champagne in the gardens. :)

Posted by: Alexis at March 30, 2005 4:49 PM

yay-I'm so glad that my suggestion helped. i had the same reaction to the site!

as for wedding invitations, you might want to talk to jake - his invitiations were very nice and simple along those lines. also, Lion in the Sun, where we're getting our invitations printed, have an in-house graphic designer who might be able to help you with that.

Posted by: dahl at March 30, 2005 11:21 PM

Um...not to sound too Sean like, but ask around Kempleton. Doesn't Ali work at a print shop? And Dan does cool silkscreening. Maybe you could commission one of them to do something crafty and beautiful on the cheap.

Posted by: Cynthia at March 31, 2005 2:50 PM

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