It's All A Haze | Main | Meep Meep
May 13, 2004
Time Passes
My parents’ anniversary is coming up. Well, actually it is more like a month away. I was going to save this post for publishing on the exact date, but I’m impatient and who knows what I’ll be thinking or feeling in the first week of June.
I have been missing my mother and father a lot lately. It has been over a year since they sold our house on Long Island, nearly two years since my mother moved up to Vermont and one year since my father joined her. The selling of our house—the only house I ever knew—was far less traumatic than I thought it would be. This is probably because my parents’ moving process was so prolonged. Instead of one massive migration, they slowly brought their lives north, and along with it, their hearts.
Nothing has given me more satisfaction than to watch them switch gears to Vermont and nest in their new life. It’s kind of what I’d imagine it would be like to have kids and see them settle down contently. Here’s the point where I tuck my thumbs into my belt loops, sway on my heels, and revel in the satisfaction that Nancy and Bob are happier and cuter than ever. Of course, my only contribution to this is successfully completing a two-year period without causing them massive panic attacks. I guess that’s something. Well, to give myself a bit more credit, I guess I’ve become much more adult-like in the past year or two, buying an apartment, big kid clothes, and the like.
Now that they are settled with two new furry children of their own, things have begun to feel a bit more permanent. Recently, I had my first adult-child freak-out. What the hell will I do if something bad happens to one or both of them and I’m three states away with no car? What happens when they’re 80? They’re so far away!
While my parents always talked about leaving Long Island, it never really occurred to me that it would happen. The separation time between us (2 hours on the LIRR) was perfect, enabling us to lead very separate lives yet visit easily. While I didn’t go home that much, I did manage to see them at least once every month or so, in addition to any functions on my father’s side of the family.
Missing them didn’t hit me until recently. This year I took an official hiatus from cold weather, meaning that I pretty much refused to visit any places that could be potentially colder than it was in New York City. This translated to not going to Vermont between January and, well, now. I think that four months is one of the longest stretches that I’ve gone without seeing at least one of my parents. Even though I speak to them via phone on a regular basis, I really miss them.
These are weird feelings for me. I’ve always been a rather independent child, despite my shyness. With the exception of a brief stint (between apartments) in 2002, I haven’t lived with my parents since I was seventeen. I am not used to this geographical distance. It is also the act of settling in.
For the first time in my life, I feel very rooted. I’ve established a home in Brooklyn, feel much more stable at work, and have a family of friends in the city. Likewise, my parents have settled nicely into their home in Manchester. There are times, often during our Saturday morning phone calls, that I forget they ever lived on Long Island. Each of us has found a new permanent home. It’s weird to feel that geographical rift, particularly when your emotional relationship is stronger than ever.
I need to visit more.
Posted by callalillie at May 13, 2004 8:47 AM | Introspect , La Familia
well, has it stopped snowing yet in VT? i dig the pic of your parents during their 'easy rider' phase.
Posted by: Jimmy Legs at May 13, 2004 9:24 AM
Yeah, it's stopped. I'm slated to go visit over Memorial Day. It's a long ass trip, though. I kinda wish they'd moved to Northampton, MA, or someplace within the 2.5 hour radius. Oh well.
I really wanted to post their wedding picture...alas, my mother would kill me and my father might post one of those classic fat naked baby pictures of me in retaliation.
Posted by: corie at May 13, 2004 9:26 AM
Yes, you need to visit more but so do we. Between the winter and you mother's work, it's harder to get down to nyc between January and May, but that's no excuse. We have plans for a couple of summer visits.
Of course, what you are celebrating here is that we all have continued to grow - have not remained static in career or personal outlook - and that's worked out very well for all of us. You are building a good life and that takes time and attention. We are very happy and proud of you. If the downside is a few months each year when we don't physically get together, it's a small price to pay. Emotionally and spiritually we're never far apart.
Egads, think of just about any alternative and I'd say we're damned lucky.
------------
Jimmy - it was less Easy Rider and more Cheech and Chong - and it's 83 degrees here today ( and I just killed my first mosquito of the year - he was wearing Birkenstocks and a headband...)
Posted by: bobtrancho at May 13, 2004 12:33 PM
Thanks for this lovely post. My wife and I are selling our home, the place we and our three kids have lived in for 10 years, and moving about a mile and half away. But this piece helped me remember what moving can be like when the place you leave is the only place you've ever known.
Posted by: Jerry at May 13, 2004 1:14 PM
I think that in some ways moving to a new house close by will be a little easier, though it is still a symbolic change. My family once contemplated moving about the same distance (I think I was about 12) that would have put me in a different school district. I remember being very upset, yet also very excited. It didn't happen, though I always have wondered what life would have been like if we had moved. If anything, moving from a familiar place to the new, regardless of distance, makes you appreciate where you have been...and in the case of family, appreciate the bonds that transcend geography and physical space.
Posted by: corie at May 13, 2004 1:44 PM
My own move away was very far and very long ago. I never want to leave the Northwest, which really does feel like home to me, but I cannot say that it been totally without regret, as I feel that I've lost some of the closeness to a family that I dearly love.
Posted by: jane at May 13, 2004 3:23 PM
In 2002 I moved to NYC from South Mississippi (1200 miles away). No regrets so far. I try to visit during football season because the temps are more agreeable and I catch a game at my alma mater.
Posted by: ccs at May 13, 2004 3:34 PM
Cry me a river! I see Phyllis and Stan once, maybe twice a year. However, I can relate. I too often feel a certain pinning for "home" life every so often. I just try to remind myself that typically 10 minutes post our long awaited once annual reunions, I am immediately reminded why I left the east coast time zone to begin with.
Posted by: Jason at May 15, 2004 12:40 AM
